(Adult) Aptitude Test

Call your wife to berate her for not getting that roadside assistance program thingy.

Pull over, pop the hood and troubleshoot.

Call AAA for assistance.

You are doing Saturday afternoon yard work. Based on your appearance and performance, who do the neighbors think you are?

The conscientious middle-aged owner.

The hapless adult son who hasn’t moved out yet.

The well-intentioned new home owner.

Pass on buying tickets. They’re too expensive and you can’t stand for more than two hours.

Buy the cheap seats and sit during the guitar solo.

Raid your children’s college savings accounts and enjoy floor seats atop a sensible pair of orthopedic Oxfords.

Hurl the laptop across the room before calling your older brother to fix it.

Patiently use the laptop as a desktop computer while you search the Internet for possible solutions you can apply.

Swallow your pride and visit the local big box electronics store for a pricey but permanent solution.

Vote for the candidates based on your familiarity with their positions.

Vote for the candidate with the attractive wife.

Ask your like-minded friends which candidates they’d recommend.

Bring your half-empty can of Coors Light to the table, along with an unopened backup.

Drink beer before dinner, but switch to the wine being served at the table.

Drink wine all night, and really enjoy it.

The children in the neighborhood address you and your spouse by “Mr. and Mrs.,” using your last name. You think...

They have no idea I’m an adult fraud.

They are a tad too formal, but that’s OK.

They are appropriately respectful.

You’re at work and you’ve just found yourself in a phone conversation with an angry, hostile client. You...

Unconditionally apologize and offer remedies to the problem.

Take thoughtful notes so you can offer the most appropriate response as needed.

Begin to apologize and then hang up while you’re talking. (Must be phone problems. Who would ever hang up on themselves?)

I’m the proud parent of a growing family.

I’ve given up on my dreams.

I suppose this is the responsible decision.

Assure your wife a speedy, clean and dependable repair.

Cut yourself on purpose to garner sympathy for your efforts.

Convince your wife to leave for the weekend so she doesn’t have to see the mess.