(Adult) Aptitude Test

Call your wife to berate her for not getting that roadside assistance program thingy.

Call AAA for assistance.

Pull over, pop the hood and troubleshoot.

You are doing Saturday afternoon yard work. Based on your appearance and performance, who do the neighbors think you are?

The conscientious middle-aged owner.

The hapless adult son who hasn’t moved out yet.

The well-intentioned new home owner.

Buy the cheap seats and sit during the guitar solo.

Pass on buying tickets. They’re too expensive and you can’t stand for more than two hours.

Raid your children’s college savings accounts and enjoy floor seats atop a sensible pair of orthopedic Oxfords.

Hurl the laptop across the room before calling your older brother to fix it.

Swallow your pride and visit the local big box electronics store for a pricey but permanent solution.

Patiently use the laptop as a desktop computer while you search the Internet for possible solutions you can apply.

Vote for the candidates based on your familiarity with their positions.

Vote for the candidate with the attractive wife.

Ask your like-minded friends which candidates they’d recommend.

Bring your half-empty can of Coors Light to the table, along with an unopened backup.

Drink wine all night, and really enjoy it.

Drink beer before dinner, but switch to the wine being served at the table.

The children in the neighborhood address you and your spouse by “Mr. and Mrs.,” using your last name. You think...

They are appropriately respectful.

They are a tad too formal, but that’s OK.

They have no idea I’m an adult fraud.

You’re at work and you’ve just found yourself in a phone conversation with an angry, hostile client. You...

Take thoughtful notes so you can offer the most appropriate response as needed.

Unconditionally apologize and offer remedies to the problem.

Begin to apologize and then hang up while you’re talking. (Must be phone problems. Who would ever hang up on themselves?)

I’ve given up on my dreams.

I suppose this is the responsible decision.

I’m the proud parent of a growing family.

Convince your wife to leave for the weekend so she doesn’t have to see the mess.

Assure your wife a speedy, clean and dependable repair.

Cut yourself on purpose to garner sympathy for your efforts.