Blog: Skewed Views & News

April’s Fools, all year long

Even though the college years are a few decades behind me and my friends, our taste in practical jokes, pranks and crotch-grabbing humor has never graduated. As charter members of the Accidental Adult club, my buddies and I subscribe to the philosophy that harmlessly punking your friends shouldn’t be reserved for April 1st, especially when life’s responsibilities pull us perilously closer to adult assimilation damn near every day of the year.

So if your grown-up life has you feeling more mature than you’d like, try any one of these activities, inspired by my maturity-challenged college friends. I think you’ll find yourself back down on more comfortable, familiar ground in no time.

Cozy Cruising

To play, you get two guys to agree to share the front seat of a car with you for a spin around town. Very important note: You want to be the passenger next to the window. Why? When the car approaches a woman, you tell the driver to honk the horn to get her attention. When she looks up to see who’s admiring her, you duck down to the floor, leaving your buddies as the only two visible occupants of the car—a waving driver and his middle-seat passenger who appear to be on a very cozy date.

Phony Phone Messages

Long before Bart Simpson started prank calling Moe’s Tavern, my group of friends used similar tactics to embarrass each other, especially during the first years of our entry-level careers. We found that nothing says “professionalism” quite like the experience of rushing through a hectic day at work only to have a colleague interrupt your meeting to say you have an urgent call from Dick Fitzenwell. Or that Phil McCracken says he’s running late for your lunch with Jocelyn Peters. Amazingly, these never get old.

She’s So Looking at You, Dude

Years ago, we thought nothing of flirting with the server at our favorite bar or asking her, “Which one of us do you think is the most attractive?” Fortunately, marriage has matured most of us to the point where we now participate in safer games—like convincing a friend that a woman is checking him out when evidence (or lack thereof) would suggest otherwise. Here’s how to do it. When he returns from the bathroom, tell your target that the brunette by the pool tables tracked him the whole way. Or when the cute server leaves after taking the table’s order, simply offer up a, “Well, I know who’s getting his food first! Did you see how she brushed up against you when she collected the menus?” You’ll find it takes surprisingly little effort to confound his logic, falsely boost his ego and entertain your friends, especially if the victim so desperately wants to believe he’s still legit, ‘yo.

All of this reminds me . . . Next Guy’s Movie Night I’ve got to trace another obscenity onto the dusty driver’s-side door of my buddy’s SUV. He’s a 41-year-old married man, and he drives a blue Chevy Tracker. How can you blame me?